For many teens and parents, bringing up the subject of alcohol is difficult. Your teen may try to dodge the discussion, and you yourself may feel unsure about how to proceed. To boost your chances for a productive conversation, take some time to think through the issues you want to discuss before you talk with your child. Also, think about how your child might react and ways you might respond to your child’s questions and feelings. Then choose a time to talk when both you and your child have some “down time” and are feeling relaxed.
Keep in mind that you don’t need to cover everything at once. In fact, you’re likely to have a greater impact on your child’s drinking by having a number of talks about alcohol use throughout his or her adolescence. Think of this discussion with your child as the first part of an ongoing conversation. And remember—do make it a conversation, not a lecture!
Listen: The key to effective communicating is being a good listener. With kids, it is important to make the time to listen to them, especially when they’re ready to talk; responding with “just a minute” or “not right now” only discourages them from opening up to you. When your kids want to talk, try to drop what you’re doing and devote your full attention to what they are saying.
Know what to say:You’ve listened and now you want to try to get the conversation going. Perhaps most important is finding your own words, times and places that are comfortable for you to talk.
Make time: Establishing regular “together time” with your child does a lot to encourage talking. It doesn’t have to be elaborate—taking a walk, going out for ice cream, or being together in the car when it’s just the two of you are all great opportunities to listen. Remember, if your child isn’t in the habit of opening up with you, be patient.
Talk one on one: If you have more than one child, try to talk to each one separately, even when it’s about the same topic. Children of varied ages are often at different developmental levels and need different information, have different sensitivities and require different vocabularies.
Your teens views about alcohol: Ask your teen what he or she knows about alcohol and what he or she thinks about teen drinking. Ask your child why he or she thinks kids drink, and listen carefully. This approach can help your child to feel heard and respected, and also serve as a natural “leadin” to discussing alcohol topics.
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